Inside Dick Jaurons Office

(phone rings)

Jauron: Hello Coach Jauron.

Bill Kollar: Hey Dick, its Bill. I'm just letting you know the Houston Texans have offered me a job as their D line coordinator, and I'm gonna take it.

Jauron: Oh Ok. Well that's bad news for us, but I'm happy for you, if that's what you want. You provided the Buffalo Bills Organization with a great service and I thank you for your time.

Bill Kollar: Thanks for everything. I wish you the best and good luck next year.

Jauron: Thanks and you too.

(hangs up phone)

Jauron: (lets out sigh) Oh man, I didn't want to have to go search for a coach now. I have enough issues managing my time and this team, let alone a coach search. I would have hired Rod Marinelli, but he got hired by the Bears. Now who am I going to get? I'm sure theres someone out there that will want to coach some nice young kids.

(phone rings)

Jauron: Hello its Coach Jauron

Chuck Dickerson: HEY DICKIE ITS THE COACH! I HEAR YOU ARE LOOKING FOR A D LINE COACH. I'M YOUR MAN!

Jauron: Who?

Chuck Dickerson: CHUCK DICKERSON!

Slight pause, while Jauron searches the internet

Jauron: Ohhhh, you coached the Defensive line of the Bills back in the early 90's.

Chuck Dickerson: I MADE BRUCE SMITH!

Jauron: Well I don't know about that, he was pretty good before you came there.

CHUCK DICKERSON: HE WAS NOTHING. THE COACH MADE HIM A HALL OF FAMER.

Jauron: I don't think so, but I'll go along.

CHUCK DICKERSON: I'M RIGHT. NOW GIVE ME THE JOB!

Jauron: Well, I'm going to look through all my options and fill the position with the right coach. You coached a 3-4, we run a 4-3. So we may lean to someone who is knowledgeable about the 4-3 front.

CHUCK DICKERSON: YOU'RE 4-3 SUCKS. I COULD HAVE 5 YEAR OLDS RUN A BETTER 4-3 THEN WHAT YOU GOT OUT THERE.

Jauron: Really? What would you change.

Chuck Dickerson: FIRST, GET RID OF THAT PANSY KELSEY AND DENNEY. SECOND GET BRUCE SMITH.

Jauron: Bruce Smith is retired and we have a lot of money in those players. Releasing them would be a bad financial move.

Chuck Dickerson: ARE YOU RUNNING A BUSINESS OR PLAYING FOOTBALL?

Jauron: Both

CHUCK DICKERSON: I'M THE COACH. YOU SHOULD BE FIRED AND THEY SHOULD HIRE ME. I KNOW FOOTBALL!

Jauron: You know I'm the one that hires, so saying I should be fired isn't that smart.

Chuck Dickerson: THE COACH SAYS WHAT HE WANTS. DEAL WITH IT. I'll MAKE A KYLE WILLIAMS A BEAST. HE'LL HAVE SNOT COMING OUT HIS NOSE AND DROOLING AT EVERY PLAY.

Jauron: He's pretty effective now.

Chuck Dickerson: DOES HE HAVE SNOT COMING OUT HIS NOSE?

Jauron: I don't know, I don't check or care.

Chuck Dickerson: WITH ME HE'D HAVE SO MUCH SNOT, THE CENTER COULDN'T GET THE SNAP OFF.

Jauron: Thats gross and probably illegal.

CHUCK DICKERSON: WHO CARES ITS THE COACH! WHO LOVES YA BABY!

Jauron: Uh? Well I gotta go, but I'll keep you in mind in my search.

Hangs up phone

Jauron: Doreen, please screen my calls. I don't want crazy people calling me for jobs or at all.

Doreen: Coach Jauron, Ralph Wilson is on Line 1.

Jauron: What did I just say?

Lindy talks to Pommers about playing defense

(from yesterday's practice, Lindy talking to Pominville about possibly playing defense on Friday night)

Lindy: Hey Pommers!

(Pominville gives a startled glare and skates over)

Pommers: What is it coach?

Lindy: Um we're a bit banged up on the defensive side, so hows about playing some defense?

Pommers: Well I think I'd be more useful on the offensive side, but what ever you need coach, I'm one with the system.

Lindy: The System? Ha what system?

Pommers: Wait I've been taught this system since I came up in this organization and now you're saying there is no system?

Lindy: No, of course not. It just sounds good. You think if we had a system we'd put you on defense? Hell no. I'm just lining guys up and telling them to do stuff. If thats a system then I guess we got one.

Pommers: I feel lied to and betrayed.

Lindy: Suck it up dummy. Just go play some hockey. Look at that Kaleta kid, he's dumb as a bag of rocks. I tell him to go skate around and hit people and he does. You I tell go out and score and set up people. Thats a good system. Coach says, player does.

Pommers: What about Max? He doesn't do a damn thing you say.

Lindy: Um, he... hes. uh, special?

Pommers: Special? He skates around does his own thing and usually gives the puck up.

Lindy: Well thats what I want him to do. Yeah, thats it.

Pommers: That doesn't make any sense, wait! He's gotta something on you doesn't he, and Darcy. Thats the only way hes still around here. Hes Russian, probably uses some KGB tactics or something.

Lindy: HES GOT NOTHING ON ME. I DON'T USE A ESCORT AGENCY!!!!

Pommers: WHAT?

Lindy: Uh, nothing. Screw this defense thing, just call up Funk.

(Pominville skates away confused)

Lindy: Oh man that was close, Max did you get that Watch I sent you?

Max: (garbled english)

Lindy: Good, its real. Oh god no one needs to find out about my secret.