An attempt to be humorous and logical about the Buffalo Sports Scene.

Friday, December 11, 2009

Pat Kane comes to down

(last night downtown on Chippewa)

Pat Kane: Oh man its cold out, but doesn't stop the Kanester from hitting the Strip.

Jon Toews: Maybe we should just head back to the Hotel, its late and cold. And we got a game tomorrow.

Pat Kane: TOEWSER! I thought you were my bro? If I thought you'd weak out, I'd bring my cousins. But they can't come out anymore, because my Aunt doesn't want them in trouble. We're Kanes we rule this City.

Jon Toews: Ok, I'll hang out, whats the worse that can happen?

(Cab comes down Delaware sees Kane and crashes into tree)

Pat Kane: Stupid Cab driver, they can't drive even though its their job. And they are worse at counting money. AMIRITE?

Duncan Keith: Don't get it.

Jon Toews: I don't know if thats funny.

Pat Kane: You guys gotta lighten up. We all got paid. Know we gotta live. Because thats all our money. We made it.

Duncan Keith: We still have to play up to the contract, otherwise we don't justify the money nor the committment to the Chicago Blackhawks.

Pat Kane looks at Keith like he just said the stupiest thing on the planet.

Jon Toews: Duncan is right, we should be professionals.

Pat Kane: Back in South Buffalo, professionals would get liquored up every night. And still be great at the Job.

Duncan Keith: I'm going back so I can be ready for the Sabres. Especially that Tim Connolly. He's crafty.

Pat Kane: Tim Connolly? He couldn't stick handle his way out of a nursery rhyme.

Jon Toews: What does that mean?

Pat Kane: Think about it, it makes sense.

(Duncan Keith leaves)

Pat Kane: See you tomorrow Duncan Hines!

Jon Toews: I'm kinda hungry.

Pat Kane: Lets hit up Jim's Steakout. Its the best ever.

(enter Jim's Steakout)

Pat Kane: OH man, Chicken Finger Sub, my favorite. Nobody makes them like they do in Buffalo. Its hot, spicy and chickeny.

Jon Toews: Probably should get something healthy. Well I can splurge. Turkey Hoagie sounds good.

Pat Kane: Good choice Toewser.

Person in front, pays for food, and puts Dollar in Tip Jar.

Cashier: Everybody Thank You

Employees: THANK YOU!

Jon Toews: Do they do that everytime you tip?

Pat Kane: Yeah, its their thing, I think its dumb.

Pat orders and pays, puts 20 cents in tip jar. Nobody says anything. Kane gets a furious look on his face.


Cashier: Didn't see it sorry.

Kane reaches over counter and punches Cashier.

Pat Kane: DID YOU SEE THAT! UH! I'm PAT KANE! I'm a Buffalo Legend!

Jon Toews: Pat what are you doing?

Pat Kane: This is the South Buffalo way. No disrespect.

(cashier calls cops)

Pat Kane: Hey wheres my sub?

Employee: Sir you have to leave. You can't assault us, because no one saw you tip. Especially a lousy 20 cents.

(Pat Kane punches other employee)

Pat Kane: You people don't deserve any tip. (reaches in to get 20 cents back)

(Cops roll up)

Officer Jones: Oh no, not you again Kane.

Pat Kane: This whole town is out to get me, no one likes people who succeed.

(Kane is put in cop car, while Toews call team officials)

Jon Toews: Why do I hang out with this guy?

About Me

My photo
Buffalo, NY, United States
A Stay at home dad, who has more hot takes then your average stay at home dad.