Well Buffalo Native Patrick Kane had a fun time in his hometown this weekend. And by fun, I mean a trip to the holding center, and we all know how fun that place is lately.
Looks like the Kane's went all "do you know who I am" on a local cab driver. But to be fair local taxi service is expensive. 12 bucks from Chippewa to Canisius? Are you kidding its like a 5 minute ride. No excuse to allegedly assault a cabbie for 20 cents. From the details I would like to break down how this all happened.
(Chippewa 430am)
James Kane: Oh boy Patty, I drank my face off tonight. We got so many free drinks. People love you.
Patty Kane: Yeah, who doesn't love the PK. We need to get a cab because I couldn't drive to the net, let alone a car. Getting a DWI would be bad for my image, so my agent says. Mug shots don't make for good publicity, whatever, PK does what PK wants.
James Kane: Yeah, you're the man Patty. WOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! Hey theres a cab, lets get that one.
(flags down cab)
Cabdriver: Hey boys, fun night out? Where you want to go?
Patrick Kane: Oh man I don't want to go home. I still need to party, got anyone you know Jimmy.
James Kane: Well there is this house on Eastwood, that is filled with some girls. And they would love to meet you.
Patrick Kane: Oh yeah, everybody wants a piece of PK. Screw TO, PK is the man in Buffalo.
Cabdriver: Guys where we going, meter is running.
James Kane: Hey this is Patrick Kane you have in your vehicle, when we decide, we'll let you know, so just drive.
(cabdriver starts van, starts driving)
Patrick Kane: Eastwood then?
James Kane: We all know how those Canisius girls are.
Patrick Kane: Yeah I hear they are fine upstanding young ladies.
(both start laughing)
Ed note: Canisius girls are the finest women in all of Buffalo.
James Kane: Oh man I wish you played for the Sabres, we could do this all year long, instead of the Summers.
Patrick Kane: If I played for the Sabres, I wouldn't play in the Playoffs.
James Kane: Oh Man BURRRRRRRRN!
Cabdriver: I think the Sabres have a chance this year.
Patrick Kane: Yeah a chance to suck.
James Kane: Dude, you are so on fire.
Cabdriver: So awesome duo, what house number on Eastwood.
James Kane: I don't know Your momma's house number.
Patrick Kane: OHHHH He got you old man.
Cabdriver: That didn't make any sense.
James Kane: Oh man I am wasted.
Patrick Kane: Me too, now I'm kinda hungry.
Cabdriver: We're here!
James Kane: Can we go to Jim's?
Cabdriver. NO NO NO, its 5am and its closed. I'm not going any farther with you two idiots. Now get out of my cab and its $13.50.
James Kane: Here's $15
Cabdriver: Oh, I don't have 20 cents change.
James Kane: WHAT? YOU TRYING TO STEAL FROM US? JUST BECAUSE YOU HAVE PATRICK KANE IN THE CAB AND YOU THINK HE HAS ALL THE MONEY IN THE WORLD?
Cabdriver: No I just dont....
(James Kane Punches him the face. Takes money back)
James Kane: BOOM BITCH, Thats how you roll in the SOBUFF.
(Patrick Kane continues the pummeling)
Patrick Kane: I'm ON A ROOKIE DEAL! I MAKE NOTHING! DON'T STEAL FROM ME!
(They get out of cab, cabbie radios the police)
James Kane: We showed that guy he can't mess with the Kane Boys. We keep it real. We're from the street.
Patrick Kane: Yeah we're super tough. Thats how you are raised in South Buffalo.
(Both see black person and hide behind a park car)
James Kane: That was close, we almost got jacked.
Patrick Kane: Canisius is such a rough area, I don't know how people learn here.
(cops arrive)
Cop: Whats going on?
Cabdriver: These two assaulted me and stole money from me.
Cop: Is this true guys?
Patrick Kane: We stole money? He tried to play off the old "I don't have 20 cents bit" THATS MY MONEY I WORK FOR MY MONEY!
Cop: Don't you have a lot of money?
Patrick Kane: I'M ON A ROOKIE DEAL!!! I MAKE SQUAT!
Cop: Ok we're going downtown. Turn around you're both under arrest.
James Kane: This is harassement. This is bias, you're only arresting us because we're famous.
Cop: This is why I got out of the South Buffalo beat to begin with.
(and scene)
Thats how I think this incident went down. I could be wrong, probably totally wrong, but whatever. These two idiots will get some low level misdemeanor conviction at city court, just like everyone else and pay some fine and get some community service. This won't do anything to Pat Kane's image.
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