The LQ after news of him being a minority owner

(The LQ is sitting in his office when shirley brings in a package)

LQ: Ooo a package, I think I know what this is! (Claps hands like a five year old)

(opens package)

LQ: YAY!!!!

Shirley: What is it is Mr Quinn.

LQ: Its my new name plaque. It says Larry Quinn: Most awesomest owner ever.

Shirley: I don't think awesomest is a word and you're only a minority owner.

LQ: Shh Shirley, its a word if I say its a word, I own the word. And a owner is an owner. And I'm not a minority, I am caucausian.

Shirley: No, I mean you own less then 50%. Whatever, never mind I have things to do. I have to send out the invitations to the owner party you're throwing.

LQ: I almost totally forget. Everybody is coming to that. I sent out invites and evites to all the owners. Because they better get ready for Larry Quinn. I'm coming on the scene and the Jeremy Jacobs and the Ted Rogers and Ted Leonis of the NHL are gonna know the name of Larry Quinn.

Shirley: I'm sure they know who you are already.

LQ: Well not the old LQ, but the new and improved LQ. Take a look at my new jacket I'll wear to meetings, since Tommy G is too busy getting elections to go his way.

(pulls out a jacket thats like a sabre jersey, but a suit jacket)

Shirley: Oh My God.

LQ: Exactly, isn't this the best thing you have ever seen. Look at the back.

It has Quinn on the back and the number 11

Shirley: You may have gone too far now. You seriously aren't thinking of wearing that anywhere outside this office.

LQ: I'm wearing this anywhere and everywhere.

Shirley: Theres no stopping you

LQ: Nope, nobody contains The LQ, and he'll do whatever he wants. Hell I'm gonna trade for Chris Drury. Watch it happen.

Shirley: Its gonna be a long season.

LQ: I GET TO HOIST THE CUP!!!!!!

Runs around room, hoisting his chair like the Stanley Cup.

Shirley: Oh boy its 9am but I need a drink.

The LQ reacts to Brian Campbell waiting for Free Agency

.

(The LQ enters his office and starts sifting through the Buffalo News. And stops dead on the front of the sports page.)


LQ: WHAT! Brian Campbell is cutting off negotiations? Who in the hell does he think he is? No one stops talking to the LQ until the LQ wants to stop talking to him. DORIS GET ME CAMPBELL!!!

Doris: I think hes at practice sir

LQ: Practice for what? Sucking? They haven't won since before Christmas. That looks bad for the LQ.

Doris: Well I'm sure after practice he'll have time.

LQ: Probably not, he probably has some dumb commercial to film. Look at him, what a yahoo. Hey why isn't the LQ all over the TV, I'm a handsome guy. Who wouldn't want to buy the product the LQ endorses.

Doris: I like Brian, he's always nice to me

LQ: Shutup Doris no one cares what you think, this "team player" is trying to extort money from us! Doesn't he know we have a budget around here and no one player is above that system. We WANT TO BE THE PATRIOTS OF THE NHL. You know create a uniform no one really likes, win often, then let our stars walk when they are paid too much money. We have a system.

Doris: Um the Patriots win Superbowls

LQ: DORIS! How many times have I told you not interrupt the LQ when he's on a roll!

Doris: Sorry sir

LQ: You'll be if we have to pay this red headed clown. We'll probably have to lay off staff. Or outsource stuff to India. Mr Golisano didn't become a Billionaire by overpaying people.

Doris: We'll I think it would be a good sign for the rest of the players and free agents that you would pay top dollar for guys.

LQ: Doris you.just.don't.get.it Thats not what we are about. The Sabres are about extracting as much possible while paying the least we can. Why do you think you work 50 hours for no pay?

Doris: Well Um, why do I work here again?

LQ: People just can't leave the LQ.

Doris: Brian Campbell does

LQ: DORIS!!!!!!!

The LQ holds a team meeting

A super secret meeting was held today in the locker room at HSBC Arena.

Lindy Ruff: Ok boys um, Mr Quinn would like to address you

(collective groan)

Larry Quinn: The LQ is not happy with whats been going on. 5 goals in 5 games? This makes the LQ look bad. So we have come up with a fine system.

Pommers: Makes you look bad? A Fine System?

Larry Quinn: Who said you could question LQ? Anyway, every time you hit a post its $1000 fine and missing the net completely is $500. All money goes to Sabres Foundation. You know to give to something good, like retards or something.

Mike Ryan: I think the correct term is mentally challenged sir.

Larry Quinn: Who the fuck are you? Who let the equipment guy play with the team? Lindy?

Lindy Ruff: Mikes been in the organization for several years Larry.

Larry Quinn: Well he looks like just started playing hockey a couple weeks ago.

Jochen Hecht: So this fine system Mr Golisano signed off on it?

Larry Quinn: Yeah, sure, signed off. He shows complete confidence in the LQ. In fact he has a LQ tattoo.

Hank: I don't think thats true at all. You just what to hand out money to make you look good. Since everybody thinks your a knob job. Plus I think this violates union policy, Peters you represent us what do you think?

Peters: Duhhhh, errrrr

Hank: Christ, doing a vote as a joke was a bad idea.

Larry Quinn: Well I guess that answers the question whether its illegal or not. The fine system starts this week. I suggest you buy some more checks.

Jochen Hecht: Um. Mr Quinn, can I just write you a $10,000 check right now and call it even?

Larry Quinn: Oh no, no one time payment. Its almost Christmas and the LQ feels like Santa Claus.

Drew Stafford: Hey Max isn't gonna pay anything, he just skates around and loses the puck. He looks pretty smart now.

Larry Quinn: Oh no, skating around aimlessly and losing the puck is a $1500 fine.

Max: Fuck, I better take out a 2nd mortgage.