An attempt to be humorous and logical about the Buffalo Sports Scene.
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Inside Dick Jaurons Office
Jauron: Hello Coach Jauron.
Bill Kollar: Hey Dick, its Bill. I'm just letting you know the Houston Texans have offered me a job as their D line coordinator, and I'm gonna take it.
Jauron: Oh Ok. Well that's bad news for us, but I'm happy for you, if that's what you want. You provided the Buffalo Bills Organization with a great service and I thank you for your time.
Bill Kollar: Thanks for everything. I wish you the best and good luck next year.
Jauron: Thanks and you too.
(hangs up phone)
Jauron: (lets out sigh) Oh man, I didn't want to have to go search for a coach now. I have enough issues managing my time and this team, let alone a coach search. I would have hired Rod Marinelli, but he got hired by the Bears. Now who am I going to get? I'm sure theres someone out there that will want to coach some nice young kids.
Jauron: Hello its Coach Jauron
Chuck Dickerson: HEY DICKIE ITS THE COACH! I HEAR YOU ARE LOOKING FOR A D LINE COACH. I'M YOUR MAN!
Chuck Dickerson: CHUCK DICKERSON!
Slight pause, while Jauron searches the internet
Jauron: Ohhhh, you coached the Defensive line of the Bills back in the early 90's.
Chuck Dickerson: I MADE BRUCE SMITH!
Jauron: Well I don't know about that, he was pretty good before you came there.
CHUCK DICKERSON: HE WAS NOTHING. THE COACH MADE HIM A HALL OF FAMER.
Jauron: I don't think so, but I'll go along.
CHUCK DICKERSON: I'M RIGHT. NOW GIVE ME THE JOB!
Jauron: Well, I'm going to look through all my options and fill the position with the right coach. You coached a 3-4, we run a 4-3. So we may lean to someone who is knowledgeable about the 4-3 front.
CHUCK DICKERSON: YOU'RE 4-3 SUCKS. I COULD HAVE 5 YEAR OLDS RUN A BETTER 4-3 THEN WHAT YOU GOT OUT THERE.
Jauron: Really? What would you change.
Chuck Dickerson: FIRST, GET RID OF THAT PANSY KELSEY AND DENNEY. SECOND GET BRUCE SMITH.
Jauron: Bruce Smith is retired and we have a lot of money in those players. Releasing them would be a bad financial move.
Chuck Dickerson: ARE YOU RUNNING A BUSINESS OR PLAYING FOOTBALL?
CHUCK DICKERSON: I'M THE COACH. YOU SHOULD BE FIRED AND THEY SHOULD HIRE ME. I KNOW FOOTBALL!
Jauron: You know I'm the one that hires, so saying I should be fired isn't that smart.
Chuck Dickerson: THE COACH SAYS WHAT HE WANTS. DEAL WITH IT. I'll MAKE A KYLE WILLIAMS A BEAST. HE'LL HAVE SNOT COMING OUT HIS NOSE AND DROOLING AT EVERY PLAY.
Jauron: He's pretty effective now.
Chuck Dickerson: DOES HE HAVE SNOT COMING OUT HIS NOSE?
Jauron: I don't know, I don't check or care.
Chuck Dickerson: WITH ME HE'D HAVE SO MUCH SNOT, THE CENTER COULDN'T GET THE SNAP OFF.
Jauron: Thats gross and probably illegal.
CHUCK DICKERSON: WHO CARES ITS THE COACH! WHO LOVES YA BABY!
Jauron: Uh? Well I gotta go, but I'll keep you in mind in my search.
Hangs up phone
Jauron: Doreen, please screen my calls. I don't want crazy people calling me for jobs or at all.
Doreen: Coach Jauron, Ralph Wilson is on Line 1.
Jauron: What did I just say?
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