An attempt to be humorous and logical about the Buffalo Sports Scene.
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
A scene from the not to distant future.
This comes from the news that a new competition committee was formed yesterday.
We go to the first meeting somewhere nice where new rules and new ways to improve the game are being talked about by the players.
Ryan Miller: Ok fellas we start out with a brainstorming session on what you think could be changed.
Jason Spezza: I think goalies should wear the same equipment we forwards wear.
Ryan Miller: Thats the stupidest thing I have every heard
Jason Spezza: You're stupid.
(Ryan Miller glares at Spezza, who then cowers under the table.)
Brian Campbell: I think we should implement non touch icing, it will prolong defensemens careers.
Schneider: Yes I totally agree.
Halpern: Matheiu what are you 107? We don't don't need non touch icing, poor little d men, can't take a hit. Skate faster and you won't have to worry about it. Guys like me love touch icing.
Ryan Miller: I will write it down for more discussion.
(Miller writes, Crybaby Campbell wants no touch icing. Halpern sees this and starts laughing.)
Campbell: What are you laughing at?
Halpern: Nothing, Crybaby. (in mocking tone) I don't want to leave, waahhhh
Campbell: It was tough you don't understand, you don't play in hockey towns.
Halpern: You calling Washington, Dallas and Tampa not hockey towns?
(Campbell stares at Halpern and spins around in his chair for no good reason)
Schneider: Guys, guys, guys. We're here to help the league and not argue like little kids.
Ryan Miller: Old man Schneider is right. Lets get back to helping the league.
Schneider: Who you calling Old, Stringbean.
Ryan Miller: I can't put on weight since I play so much. You're old, because you were born during the Hoover administration.
(Schneider lunges at Miller and they start wrestling on the floor. Schneider grabs his chest like hes having a heart attack and Miller cries in pain, because he broke something.)
Campbell: Ahhhh MY CHAIR WON'T STOP SPINNING!!!!!!!
Halpern: This is ridiculious. Halpern doesn't have to deal with this. I'm leaving
(Ed Snider comes after seeing Halpern leave and is dismayed at what he sees.)
Ed Snider: Every goddamn year this happens. I thought by putting Ryan Miller in the room it would bum everyone else out. Brian Campbell cries when he sees a kitten. Jason Spezza, is Jason Spezza. Schneider is old and Halpern is, um who the hell is Jeff Halpern? Well I guess hockey players will be hockey players.
(Spezza crawls out from under the table but sees a spider and ducks right back under)
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